Instead Of An ‘All Or Nothing’ Approach, Tune In To The Nuances
My business coach set me and my fellow mastermind members a challenge recently. The challenge was to reach out to 50 people in 7 days. Importantly, it was based on authentic connection, not about selling or any kind of ulterior motive: purely about connection.
Now this is right up my street. This is absolutely how I love to be in the world. How I love to be in my business. And I love my coach; I trust and respect her. She’s Caroline Leon, by the way. I’ve taken on board a lot of Caroline’s advice over the past 14 months and have benefited greatly from it.
I didn’t take her advice. I also didn’t ignore her advice. Let me explain.
The ‘good girl’ in me really wanted to go full pelt at this challenge. Part of my brain sought the dopamine hits of reaching out to people and receiving their responses. Part of my initial response was shaped by the narrative that I ‘should’ be doing it. That in order to succeed I need to follow all advice to the letter. That I ‘should’ be figuring out how to make it happen, just as many others in the group were: that, even, I was less effective and less committed if I didn’t do it in full.
I know myself, I know I could have got it done. I could have pushed on through and achieved it. I could have found ways to work around any overwhelm I felt adding this into my already full week. I could have given my energy to this. I could have bent the challenge around serving my clients and around the spaces I hold sacred for practices such as writing. In the past, this is most certainly what I would have done.
Alongside the good girl voice, however, there was a much stronger one. The Wild Woman voice.
The one that said you know yourself. Trust yourself. Trust your process. Listen in, find the way to make it work for you.
Keep the commitment. Keep the intention. Keep the progress - Do it your way, at your pace.
This is the voice that comes from deeper down, from somewhere in my belly. This is the voice that rises when I slow, when I gather myself inwards and listen.
This is the voice that takes inspiration time and time again from our natural world. Where trees don’t all look the same; where plants don’t flower at the same time; where there is not the instruction to simply ‘grow to exactly these specifications or not at all’. Where it is not simply light or dark, but many stunning shades in between.
This was not about YES or NO.
For someone who has a pattern of ‘all or nothing’ thinking, of needing to do something ‘perfectly’ or not at all, I could have said, no, this is too much for me and not done any of the challenge. I would, arguably, have missed out. I could equally have gone for it fully and also missed out, energetically. Instead, there were other options.
Instead, I chose to move away from a binary approach, instead finding my own middle-ground attuned to me and my approaches. I made the challenge work for me and for the people I’m connecting with. Instead of 50 people in one week, I made it 25 people in one week, and a further 25 the following month.
The result of this?
I was in flow as I reached out to people; my messages came from a place of wholeheartedly wanting to do it and the energy around it was resonant with that. I didn’t deplete myself as I did it and I held my commitment to the people I serve as well as myself.
I loved it. I received some phenomenal messages in reply. As we shared our experiences within our group, I framed mine as a ‘challenge’ completed and it was absolutely met in that way. I should include Caroline in this, who is absolutely in support of this nuanced approach.
Importantly, at another time, I may have done it differently: perhaps at different point in my cycle; perhaps if my calendar had looked different. Perhaps if it had been in summer rather than late winter, as I’m still emerging. This is being human. This is working with our changing, changeable energies, rather than denying them. This comes from a place of listening, learning respecting the external input and listening, learning from and respecting our internal input as well.
I wonder how this might show up for you?
I wonder if there's something that you're doing to the letter that could be made more enjoyable, more effective, more in-flow.
You might ask:
What capacity do I have for this right now? Not in an imagined future, now.
Am I taking an ‘all-or-nothing’ approach here? I wonder what other options there could be.
Are there other questions I could ask around this?
Does this need a different time frame?
Do I need other resources to support the activity?
What is one small shift that I could make that would make it more fun?
How can I celebrate what I choose to do?
I’d love to hear from you.
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